Sunday, April 11, 2004
The glowing state of pregnancy
I am pregnant. Very pregnant. 8 ½ months pregnant. I left my job last October and worked on a couple of contracts from home since then, so no more travel stories for now … for a long time ... forever?
But let’s talk about pregnancies …
Most women I know that have children have been telling me from the beginning how wonderful it is to be pregnant. What a great state, how glowing you get, and how much attention you attract. Everybody is trying to find out if you are having a boy or a girl, how far along you are, do you have the room ready, did you pick a name, did you get this gadget or that other one … blah blah blah … lots of baby talk and advice.
Let me tell you about my own view. You getting pregnant equals you stop being a woman and start being a mom, you stop being a person and start being a thing worth taking care of because you are carrying a baby, period. You are not seen as sexy anymore, and you don’t feel sexy, at least I don’t. My clothes didn’t fit anymore after the first 2 months, although I didn’t gain any weight until the 3rd month, but you start retaining water and seem bigger anyway. Your breasts get so tender even a light touch hurts. You can’t sleep on your stomach anymore because it hurt you breasts at the beginning and your belly later on, and you can’t sleep on your back because is bad for your circulation. So if those were your favorite positions, like me, get ready for a long battle trying to sleep on your sides, struggle to get comfortable and many other related pains.
Get ready to have big boobies! Who said all women wanted bigger boobies? I didn’t! I was perfectly fine with mines, which were naturally big enough, perky and smooth. Now they are too big, they are sagging and they have all kind of brown spots and … ahhhhgrrrrrrrr … stretch marks! Oh yes, no matter how close you watch your weight gain and what kind of moisturizer you use, (believe me, I have tried them all, from Wal-Mart’s 10 dollars brand to some French brand’s 60 dollars worth per ounce), you are going to get stretch marks … in your breasts or your belly or your legs or even in your arms … and maybe in more than one place, blame it on genetics. A real nightmare which you will have to live with for the rest of your life unless you are incredibly wealthy and can afford 10 session of a half hour-400 dollar laser treatment that does not guarantee to get rid of it, but improve the appearance; unfortunately, I am not.
You get a cold or a headache and your options for medication are very limited, but you have to take those horrible vitamins that make you sick religiously. Your friends seem to organize parties every weekend while you are pregnant … and you can’t drink. And they all dress in tiny, tight-fitting clothes while, no matter what you wear, you look like a tent or a whale next to them … they all decided to loose weight and went on a diet while you can’t do anything but keep getting bigger. And they keep having the same conversations we all had before you were pregnant about cute guys and sex and … but now, you are forbidden to have conversations about anything but pregnancy and babies, so as soon as you walk up to them they change topics and you have to hear lots of predictions about what are you having according to the shape of your belly, the state of your skin, how sick did you feel at the begging, what foods are you craving … and I can keep going on. It irritated me to no end.
You have a huge list of things to buy … people have been having babies since the beginning of times, at home with no doctors and nothing but their own instincts to raise them. Today, you have to have a monthly check up for the first 7 months and a weekly one after that. You need a ton of tests for all kind of things: urine, blood, sugar. You need a Doula for labor, you need to go to the best hospital (the one your health insurance won’t cover 100%), and order a private room that is charged separate so you can have visits. And then, you need the boppy pillow to breastfeed and a glider or rocker to sit on, the special bottles and silicone nipples so the baby won’t get colic, you can’t use a hand-me down crib or car seat because of safety issues (forget that from my grandmother to my younger sister we all used the crib great-grandpa built for grandma, 3 whole generations!) … but hey, somebody has to keep the economy going! You also need a bassinet or cradle, a changing table, a swing, a bouncer, a walker, a learning center or play mat, a play yard, a stroller, a diaper bag for the nursery and a diaper bag for getting out of the house with baby. God forbid you don’t get everything, new and of the most expensive brand, and later on your baby needs a psychologist to help him understand such unloving parents!
And did I tell you about the amount of money all those things cost or the space all that gear occupies in your house? Here is where baby showers come in handy.
Then comes the worst part, the last 2 months … your belly gets huge, you start getting cramps in your legs even if you did yoga the whole pregnancy, you have heartburn all the time. You get gassy, have to pee every ½ hour and have chronic back pain. You can’t sleep through the night anymore, your organism is getting ready for baby and you start waking up for no reason 5 times a night and having a terrible time getting back to sleep. You can’t breath very well anymore; the baby has grown so big that he/she kicks you in your lungs, stomach or ribs and its not cute anymore, but painful. Your belly has a life of its own and you feel like an alien. You can’t bend over, shave or wax your pussy, cut your toenails or even put on a pair of socks or tie your shoelaces. You can’t get anything heavy in the grocery store because you won’t be able to get it from cart to car or from car to house without help. Let’s not even talk about having sex … your hormones are raging through your body and you feel like sex every day, but your belly is so big and the whole process is so painfully uncomfortable that you end up giving up on it. And, your husband keeps reminding you that for men, it’s all about the visual, so you better get back in shape soon after baby.
Oh yeah … your hair and nails will grow lots and very strong, unless you are the exception like me, my nails got weaker and my hair started to grow gray!
But hey … you are in the glowing state of pregnancy!
I am pregnant. Very pregnant. 8 ½ months pregnant. I left my job last October and worked on a couple of contracts from home since then, so no more travel stories for now … for a long time ... forever?
But let’s talk about pregnancies …
Most women I know that have children have been telling me from the beginning how wonderful it is to be pregnant. What a great state, how glowing you get, and how much attention you attract. Everybody is trying to find out if you are having a boy or a girl, how far along you are, do you have the room ready, did you pick a name, did you get this gadget or that other one … blah blah blah … lots of baby talk and advice.
Let me tell you about my own view. You getting pregnant equals you stop being a woman and start being a mom, you stop being a person and start being a thing worth taking care of because you are carrying a baby, period. You are not seen as sexy anymore, and you don’t feel sexy, at least I don’t. My clothes didn’t fit anymore after the first 2 months, although I didn’t gain any weight until the 3rd month, but you start retaining water and seem bigger anyway. Your breasts get so tender even a light touch hurts. You can’t sleep on your stomach anymore because it hurt you breasts at the beginning and your belly later on, and you can’t sleep on your back because is bad for your circulation. So if those were your favorite positions, like me, get ready for a long battle trying to sleep on your sides, struggle to get comfortable and many other related pains.
Get ready to have big boobies! Who said all women wanted bigger boobies? I didn’t! I was perfectly fine with mines, which were naturally big enough, perky and smooth. Now they are too big, they are sagging and they have all kind of brown spots and … ahhhhgrrrrrrrr … stretch marks! Oh yes, no matter how close you watch your weight gain and what kind of moisturizer you use, (believe me, I have tried them all, from Wal-Mart’s 10 dollars brand to some French brand’s 60 dollars worth per ounce), you are going to get stretch marks … in your breasts or your belly or your legs or even in your arms … and maybe in more than one place, blame it on genetics. A real nightmare which you will have to live with for the rest of your life unless you are incredibly wealthy and can afford 10 session of a half hour-400 dollar laser treatment that does not guarantee to get rid of it, but improve the appearance; unfortunately, I am not.
You get a cold or a headache and your options for medication are very limited, but you have to take those horrible vitamins that make you sick religiously. Your friends seem to organize parties every weekend while you are pregnant … and you can’t drink. And they all dress in tiny, tight-fitting clothes while, no matter what you wear, you look like a tent or a whale next to them … they all decided to loose weight and went on a diet while you can’t do anything but keep getting bigger. And they keep having the same conversations we all had before you were pregnant about cute guys and sex and … but now, you are forbidden to have conversations about anything but pregnancy and babies, so as soon as you walk up to them they change topics and you have to hear lots of predictions about what are you having according to the shape of your belly, the state of your skin, how sick did you feel at the begging, what foods are you craving … and I can keep going on. It irritated me to no end.
You have a huge list of things to buy … people have been having babies since the beginning of times, at home with no doctors and nothing but their own instincts to raise them. Today, you have to have a monthly check up for the first 7 months and a weekly one after that. You need a ton of tests for all kind of things: urine, blood, sugar. You need a Doula for labor, you need to go to the best hospital (the one your health insurance won’t cover 100%), and order a private room that is charged separate so you can have visits. And then, you need the boppy pillow to breastfeed and a glider or rocker to sit on, the special bottles and silicone nipples so the baby won’t get colic, you can’t use a hand-me down crib or car seat because of safety issues (forget that from my grandmother to my younger sister we all used the crib great-grandpa built for grandma, 3 whole generations!) … but hey, somebody has to keep the economy going! You also need a bassinet or cradle, a changing table, a swing, a bouncer, a walker, a learning center or play mat, a play yard, a stroller, a diaper bag for the nursery and a diaper bag for getting out of the house with baby. God forbid you don’t get everything, new and of the most expensive brand, and later on your baby needs a psychologist to help him understand such unloving parents!
And did I tell you about the amount of money all those things cost or the space all that gear occupies in your house? Here is where baby showers come in handy.
Then comes the worst part, the last 2 months … your belly gets huge, you start getting cramps in your legs even if you did yoga the whole pregnancy, you have heartburn all the time. You get gassy, have to pee every ½ hour and have chronic back pain. You can’t sleep through the night anymore, your organism is getting ready for baby and you start waking up for no reason 5 times a night and having a terrible time getting back to sleep. You can’t breath very well anymore; the baby has grown so big that he/she kicks you in your lungs, stomach or ribs and its not cute anymore, but painful. Your belly has a life of its own and you feel like an alien. You can’t bend over, shave or wax your pussy, cut your toenails or even put on a pair of socks or tie your shoelaces. You can’t get anything heavy in the grocery store because you won’t be able to get it from cart to car or from car to house without help. Let’s not even talk about having sex … your hormones are raging through your body and you feel like sex every day, but your belly is so big and the whole process is so painfully uncomfortable that you end up giving up on it. And, your husband keeps reminding you that for men, it’s all about the visual, so you better get back in shape soon after baby.
Oh yeah … your hair and nails will grow lots and very strong, unless you are the exception like me, my nails got weaker and my hair started to grow gray!
But hey … you are in the glowing state of pregnancy!
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