Tuesday, June 25, 2002
Reasoning sex?
My best friend’s girlfriend (let’s call her Mimi) and I continue to exchange ideas (see June 4th post) on what we would like to do one day if we can get together.
And I keep commenting our conversations with my husband. But I can feel he is somewhat reluctant to the idea. I have tried to picture just Mimi and me doing all kind of things for him, since I thought the idea of my friend (let’s call him Jake) would be what make him uncomfortable but he still argues things like “I wouldn’t know what to do with 2 women!” or “What if one of you get bored because I can’t give enough attention to both at the same time”.
Ok, so we re 2 very normal couples trying to reason on the idea of having sex together, not together on the sense of in the same room but in different beds, but in the sense of the 4 of us together.
He wants to make a “map” of how the events will be like; he is trying to structure the moment in steps, which will never work. Of course we won’t be having what we personally want every second, but we will most of the time. We have to be flexible, give a little and take a little. Somebody will be enjoying a moment and somebody else will be waiting for his/her turn. But those moments in the middle won’t bore anyone. It is just part of the game.
This kind of experiences should be oriented to share pleasure, to do things we fantasize about doing with more that one person, and to do things that please us without bothering the others. That is essential and surprisingly most people I have talked to don’t seem to understand this concept. It is about reaching a deep level of confidence and intimacy with people we care about and we know we won’t hurt or won’t hurt us back in any way. And not something to do with people we don’t trust or don’t care about us; in other words, not something to do with people that consider us “dismissable” or vice versa.
On that level I understand my husband; he doesn’t know Jake that much; but he, Mimi and I have spent lots of time together in past times. Plus the 3 of us have had some kind of similar experience in the past (not together), and although he had one experience too, it was based on what I think it shouldn’t be: he did not care much about how the others will feel after. He had nothing to loose because there was no women he cared about involved.
Note: I have picked the names Jake & Mimi from a novel I have read recently. Jake & Mimi, by Frank Baldwin.
My best friend’s girlfriend (let’s call her Mimi) and I continue to exchange ideas (see June 4th post) on what we would like to do one day if we can get together.
And I keep commenting our conversations with my husband. But I can feel he is somewhat reluctant to the idea. I have tried to picture just Mimi and me doing all kind of things for him, since I thought the idea of my friend (let’s call him Jake) would be what make him uncomfortable but he still argues things like “I wouldn’t know what to do with 2 women!” or “What if one of you get bored because I can’t give enough attention to both at the same time”.
Ok, so we re 2 very normal couples trying to reason on the idea of having sex together, not together on the sense of in the same room but in different beds, but in the sense of the 4 of us together.
He wants to make a “map” of how the events will be like; he is trying to structure the moment in steps, which will never work. Of course we won’t be having what we personally want every second, but we will most of the time. We have to be flexible, give a little and take a little. Somebody will be enjoying a moment and somebody else will be waiting for his/her turn. But those moments in the middle won’t bore anyone. It is just part of the game.
This kind of experiences should be oriented to share pleasure, to do things we fantasize about doing with more that one person, and to do things that please us without bothering the others. That is essential and surprisingly most people I have talked to don’t seem to understand this concept. It is about reaching a deep level of confidence and intimacy with people we care about and we know we won’t hurt or won’t hurt us back in any way. And not something to do with people we don’t trust or don’t care about us; in other words, not something to do with people that consider us “dismissable” or vice versa.
On that level I understand my husband; he doesn’t know Jake that much; but he, Mimi and I have spent lots of time together in past times. Plus the 3 of us have had some kind of similar experience in the past (not together), and although he had one experience too, it was based on what I think it shouldn’t be: he did not care much about how the others will feel after. He had nothing to loose because there was no women he cared about involved.
Note: I have picked the names Jake & Mimi from a novel I have read recently. Jake & Mimi, by Frank Baldwin.
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